A Prayer

When Holy Spirit is trying to teach me something,

conversations…

cluster.

 

How do I view Scripture? As an inspired, live-giving Story,

through which Jesus of Nazareth,

Messiah and Lord of the universe,

speaks to his people and forms them as

citizens of heaven.

And yet,

 

there is still struggle, still questioning,

still “I will not let you go until you bless me!”

until I limp away, grateful for a new name.

But I will not limp forever,

I will not be lame,

because cerebral palsy is

Christ’s foe,

and Jesus is Lord,

raised bodily from the dead.

 

Tell me not of the Enlightenment,

of spiritual modes of being that are less than material:

though I am grateful that you say,

Jesus is alive,

creeping Gnostic ghosts float in the shadows.

No: the tomb is empty,

and the still-embodied and human Lord

has been the first-fruits of the new creation,

 

the Alpha and Omega of humanity.

You speak to me of suffering,

of waiting comfortless in a cloud of dark disconnection,

desperate, touch-deprived, unanswered.

You ask me where love comes from,

of why I can be so certain

 

of “all shall be well.”

And all my words can paint pictures,

evoke feelings,

describe dispositions,

but they will fail when I tell you what it is like

when I experience,

“O! let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.”

I have no answers, except to wait,

and remember that Living God was the one who said,

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

I wonder if you are so embattled because

the god you wrestle with

deserves to be killed,

 

never to rise again.

I can sit,

and pray to the Derelict One,

pray to the one who lives and reigns

with the Father and the Holy Spirit,

one God.

I know that presence,

that goes beyond feeling it,

beyond my language,

and to the core of both feelings and language.

And yet–

here the Gnostic ghosts of Enlightenment assail me again–

it is not simple

to believe that in prayer, through prayer, as answer to prayer

God re-weaves the world,

transforms us,

with evidence,

with Real Presence.

 

If I must believe in order to understand,

then “Lord, help my unbelief,”

kiss me again,

and do not let me go until I have your blessing,

and everyone around me knows

that they, too, are the Beloved.

Amen.

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