I spent time away from home with a friend last night. There was nothing required of me, other than to enjoy myself (and perhaps maintain some semblance of conversation). About two hours in, I recognized a feeling of being pleasantly bored, and the tension started to bleed out of my system. I’m back home, now, and I still feel a little more settled.
I think part of it is: Last night, and for part of today, I was in somebody else’s orbit, having a place in someone else’s life, away from the familiar. More and more, recently, I realise that my life is lousy with good friends and patient people. But because I’m such an introvert, because I have a bedroom-office with a door, because I spent time around a lot of the same people, there’s a sense that most of the action comes to me, and that I’m somehow responsible for it. (That’s a silly thought, perhaps, but there it is.)
But the pleasant boredom of being out of my own life-space for a while was like a tiny reset, a rest from the routine of having to manage what happens rather than let it happen. Does that make any sense. Anyway, it’s where I am. And I am grateful.